The internet was built on real people sharing real ideas that other real people might care about. You had enough ideas to share, you made a blog. Wanted to find a community talking about a category of ideas? Join a forum. Sure, conversation may get heated, but that's because you have people engaging on a topic they are passionate about with equally passionate people. The result was an internet full of user created content that felt human.

The internet doesn't feel human anymore. The passion is gone. My questions to Google are answered by a perfectly articulate robot instead of someone who has the answer and takes the time to share it with you.

Websites, once a place for creativity and self expression, are now just ads, cookie pop ups, ads, ads, paywalls, sign up for my course, unlock this content, javascript failed to fetch resource, ads, ads, ADS!

The most important platform ever for human communication and expression is enshittify-ing. We're giving it away to bots posting AI generated content. Shrimp Jesus's rapture has only just begun.

But in this field of chaos, there's a garden of hope; a Xanadu of humanity walled off from the lifeless internet abyss. A place called the Google Maps Reviews.

The Perfect Platform for People to be Human

Right. A place where posters complain about cold food and slow service doesn't immediately sound romantic. But I think Google Reviews is one of the most deeply human places on the internet. This is because the platform has a few qualities that foster the raw, passionate content that once existed on the internet.

People are unfiltered in their reviews. This isn't Facebook where you have to face friends and family or LinkedIn where you must maintain a professional persona. This is an intimate conversation between you and an establishment, except posted publicly for all to see.

There is zero friction to posting. If you are using Google Maps you have an account. No coming up with a username or signing up for something new. The only thing blocking you from sharing your thoughts with the world is a textbox and five star icons.

There seem to be no ulterior motives when making a google review. There's nothing to sell and no creator programs; just folks trying to be helpful, blow off some steam, or posting for pure love of the game.

Most importantly, the posters are impassioned. With a few exceptions, reviews seem to be made after either remarkably pleasant or particularly bad experiences. Either bliss or rage - the perfect state to write about your feelings for the world to see.

These qualities come together to create a feed void of AI trash or revenue generating posts... just human generated content in its purest and most beautiful form. People sharing where they have spent their time and how they felt about it.

The Reviews

Most of my favorite reviews fall into a few different themes, or exist on the pages of certain types of establishments. Personal preference of course, but below are a few examples of some outstanding reviews.

Directly Addressing Employees

This is a pretty common one, especially for bad reviews. But every now and then you find someone who had such an amazing experience they will personally express gratitude to those who made the night unforgettable.

Owner Pushback

Remember, this is not a one-way conversation! I love when the owners get in on the action. It leaves you, the reader, stuck holding the scales of justice to decide who to believe.

Strip Club Reviews

Crass, I know, but once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right. I think of all places, get the highest density of outstanding reviews from gentlemen's clubs. And it's just so funny to have your actual name and google profile attached to these posts. Radical transparency done right.

And the classic combo of disgruntled club patron called out by the owner! The stage is for the professionals Martha!

Reviews That Have Nothing to Do With the Subject

Honestly these are pretty rare, but a real treat when you find them. Like when Rickie (already featured above) enjoyed his lunch but decided the real 5-star experience was a tree carving located nearly a mile away, totally unaffiliated with Prairie House Restaurant. The 10 attached images really make you feel like you were there (at the tree, not at lunch).

Rob H.

Rob H. is my favorite reviewer of all time, and really the one who inspired my love of google reviews in the first place. Oh man... how do we even begin to introduce Rob H. First of all, he is a prolific reviewer, and his posts get engagement.

Now, go through literally any of his posts, and you'll see why he puts up the numbers he does. Again I don't want to be crass, but I'll just share a quick sample since google is sort of doing the censoring for me.

Rob, you dog. But god forbid a guy enjoy expensive steakhouses with a wife he loves, and of course share the intimate experience with all of us.

All his reviews basically follow the same pattern that honestly make for a great and thoughtful review: a couple ambiance shots, some close ups on the food (always appetizers, entree, and dessert), and of course a few of his signature family photos. He also begins and ends each review with a sort of disclaimer, which surround a very detailed and well written review of the entire experience. He sometimes even throws in the mid-review disclaimer, but these are pretty rare.

Never stop, Rob H.

Begin Your Review Rabbit Hole

Find a local restaurant. Make sure the review's are questionable. 4.2 is the sweet spot. Filter by high. Filter by low. Engross yourself in the life of the establishment. Follow a rabbit hole through a poster's history when you find a review you love. Lose yourself in a very human internet. Enjoy the ride.

I'd love to see the reviews you find. You tweet me or email me with what you find.

More

For some more lore on Google Reviews, I highly reccomend the Reply All podcast episode #151 Thank You For Noticing.